


Quit While You're Ahead

by eprime



Category: Harry Potter - Rowling
Genre: M/M, kink-bingo, shaving/depilation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-06-16
Updated: 2010-06-16
Packaged: 2017-10-10 03:55:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,775
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/95203
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eprime/pseuds/eprime
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Post-Hogwarts. Remus and Sirius discuss wank mags and 'personal' shaving.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Quit While You're Ahead

"Remus, do you like shaved pussy?"

Remus choked on the mouthful of butterbeer he'd just tried to swallow.

"Pardon?"

"Only, all these magazines go on about how ace it is and I was--"

"What magazines," Remus interrupted.

"You know," Sirius huffed. "Wank mags. Don't act as if you've never seen one, Moony. We all used to pilfer Wormtail's stash at school."

"I wasn't," Remus said, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. "I just didn't know you still read them."

"Read them?" Sirius snorted. "I don't think you quite get the concept after all."

"Shut it, you." Remus kicked out a leg at Sirius but fell short of his shin when he backed out of reach.

"Anyway, these magazines say--"

"I thought you didn't read them," Remus pointed out.

"Shut up. Sometimes blokes send in letters talking about how fantastic it is to shag a bird who's completely shaved down there."

"Down there."

"Yes."

"Are there pictures, too?"

"Pictures?"

"Yes."

"Of what."

"Shaved pussy."

"Loads," Sirius said, then frowned. "Why?"

"Can I have a look?"

Remus sat there with a suspiciously mild and innocent look on his face. Sirius frowned harder.

"Why?"

"Why do _you_ look at them?"

"Well, I--" Sirius threw himself down on the couch next to Remus and glared. "So, what? You're planning to lock yourself in the bathroom and toss off to pictures of..."

"Shaved pussy?" Remus smiled sweetly.

"Since when are you interested in naked girl bits?" Sirius demanded.

Remus shrugged.

"Just because I've never gotten up close and personal with any doesn't mean I'm adverse to the idea. Why'd you think I looked at those mags at school?"

"Just trying to fit in, I reckoned."

"So you assumed I was a giant flaming poofter from day one, is that it?"

Sirius began to nod, then not very subtly shifted to an emphatic shake of the head as Remus narrowed his eyes. "N-no, not from day _one_. Just, you know, since puberty or around then."

"As I recall," Remus said with some asperity. "I actually dated a couple of girls at Hogwarts, brief though those encounters may have been, whilst you, on the other hand, ignored all the girls and chose to romp around, _half-naked much of the time_, with three other boys."

"Moony," Sirius said with a placating tone. "Everyone knows you were just using them as a replacement for me. It was no secret you fancied the pants off of me."

"Oh really?"

"Yes. Oi! Where are you going?" Sirius scrambled off the sofa to trail after Remus.

"Off to owl Dumbledore to ask if he'll lend me the use of his penseive. You seem to have forgotten exactly how it was that we got together."

Padfoot tackled Remus from behind and proceeded to attack with his tongue until Remus was laughing in between (obviously feigned) expressions of disgust.

"Get off you daft mutt!"

Sirius transformed, hovering over Remus on his hands and knees and grinning. "I don't need a reminder, but I could go for a reenactment."

"Well," Remus considered. "I don't know. I'm quite keen to have a look at your wank mags at the moment."

Sirius scowled and sat back abruptly making Remus wince. "What, you'd rather ogle a lot of bald twats than have a go with me?"

"You bought the magazines."

"Didn't. And anyway it was just the one," Sirius sulked. "Nicked it from Wormtail."

"Mr. Moony would like to know what prompted this sudden interest of Mr. Padfoot's."

The amused smirk Remus wore made Sirius even sulkier.

"Mr. Padfoot would like to invite Mr. Moony to go bugger himself."

Remus laughed.

"Oh, go on then, tell me what this is all about."

When Sirius stayed stubbornly silent, Remus slid his hands up Sirius' thighs and bucked his hips a little making Sirius bounce.

Sirius' mouth twitched. Still smirking, Remus did it again and Sirius broke out into a grin. "Wanker."

"From what you've just told me, that would seem to better describe you."

"That's not why I nicked it!"

"Oh?" The delicate lift of Remus' eyebrow expressed his skepticism.

"No! I thought..." Sirius turned a bit red and squirmed in Remus' lap. "I thought it might be rather brilliant to try it myself."

"Try what?"

"You know...shaving...down there." Sirius grabbed one of Remus' hands and pressed it against his crotch.

"Oh." The word rolled out of Remus' mouth slow and surprised, then the most wickedly delighted expression spread over his face and he had Sirius on his back before he could blink. "I approve."

Jeans and y-fronts were tossed unceremoniously across the room and Remus grabbed for his wand. "Let's do it this way. It's easier."

"No!" Sirius scrambled to his knees, covering his private bits protectively. "The depilation spell stings, besides I want to do it the muggle way. It's..." He dropped his lashes halfway and gave Remus his best smoldering look. "Sexy."

"Right," Remus said a little breathlessly. "Right, but we don't have any--"

"Yes we do," Sirius cried. Remus admired his arse as he bounded across the room into the kitchen wearing nothing but his tee-shirt. When he returned he was holding a shopping bag and his cock was bobbing at half-mast.

Remus sat back on his heels, darting his tongue out to moisten his lips as Sirius stopped in front of him. "Maybe we could save this for later?"

"What? No!" Sirius frowned, but his expression resolved into a self-satisfied smile when he saw where Remus was looking. He wiggled his hips, making his cock bob gently in the air inches away from Remus' face. "Just think how good this will feel after."

"Come on." Remus stood up and grabbed his hand to drag him into the bathroom. He pushed Sirius down to the edge of the tub and dumped the contents of the bag into the sink.

Sirius shifted a little as Remus examined the razor and the bottle of shaving cream and began to undo the muggle packaging. "Remus."

"Hm?"

"_Remus_.

"What? I'll be done in half a mo'!"

"This is making my arse cold and the porcelain is hard, as well."

"Oh, for..." Remus took a look at Sirius perched there awkwardly and with the beginnings of the obstinate cast to his features he always got when things didn't go his way. He sighed. "Fine, you're right. Go get on the bed, then, and I'll just bring everything in."

Sirius bounded away, and Remus found him sprawled out on the bed, still wearing nothing but his tee-shirt and a grin. He'd grabbed his wand from the sitting room and used it to hover a mirror above the bed.

"I want a good view."

Remus rolled his eyes. "You're such a narcissist."

"You love it."

Ignoring this to set a warm bowl of water, the razor, and the shaving cream on a table next to the bed, Remus then placed a towel underneath Sirius' hips and crawled up beside him. "Sure about this?"

Sirius snorted.

"Want me to do this, too?" Remus asked, tickling his fingers in the dark curls at the base of Sirius' cock. "Or just the main attraction?"

"The works."

Without further ado Remus sprayed a generous hand full of shaving cream into his palm and lathered up Sirius cock and balls. Sirius made a big production of enjoying it, of course, and Remus laughed.

"Now you're making me wonder if you fake your orgasms, as well."

"I fake nothing! Every moan is one hundred percent genuine, Moony. You're just that good."

"Flatterer."

"Sexpot."

Remus laughed again and leaned over to wash his hands in the water. "I seriously worry about your mental health sometimes." Taking up the razor, Remus dipped it into the water and shook it off, then moved back between Sirius' legs.

Sirius spread his legs wider and shot Remus a filthy grin. Biting his lower lip, Remus bent to the task. The first stroke was slow and careful and his brow furrowed as he pulled the skin of Sirius' scrotum tight and scraped the blade over it. He flicked his eyes up to check on Sirius who gave him a wink.

Each scrape gave Remus more confidence and his pace increased. Sirius was very evidently enjoying it, and Remus made sure he kept on by thoroughly applying more shaving cream every so often, taking care to cover every inch of skin with the silky cream. Sirius would moan delightfully and arch his hips up off the towel until Remus picked up the razor again.

His own trousers were quite uncomfortably tight by now, so Remus finished up quickly then muttered a spell to heat the damp towel he'd prepared earlier. Sirius gasped as Remus pressed it against his groin.

"Fuck," Sirius whimpered.

When Remus had carefully cleaned away the residue of shaving cream and stray hairs, he cupped Sirius' balls and rolled them around in his hand. "Oh," he practically groaned. "This does feel brilliant."

Then both of his hands were touching Sirius, smoothing over his lower belly, circling up his cock and then back to pull at and fondle his balls.

"Christ," Remus breathed, leaning down to rub his cheek along the shaft of Sirius' cock, lower to skim his lips across his sac and then open his mouth to suck each ball into his mouth one by one.

Sirius was panting almost like Padfoot when Remus sat up.

"Don't go anywhere," he ordered, hopping off the bed to pull off his clothes as fast as he could.

"Oh, fuck. Fuck, Remus. You've got to fuck me right now."

Remus looked over and Sirius was fondling himself reverently, staring up at the hovering mirror with a gaping mouth. Remus cursed as he skip-hopped his pants off and kicked them away violently.

"God, I can't stop touching myself."

Sirius was, indeed, writhing around like a shameless little tart.

"How's that different from normal, then?"

Remus pounced.

"Wait! Wait, Remus," Sirius cried. "I want you to do it, too!"

The split second of hesitation was Remus' mistake, and Sirius got his hands around his wand and muttered a spell.

Remus shrieked.

Approximately five minutes later, after Remus had stopped yelling and wrestled Sirius' wand away, Sirius lay hogtied at the foot of the bed and Remus sprawled indecently across the middle, fingering his balls and stroking his cock with languid motions while staring up at their refection in the mirror.

Sirius strained his neck forward futilely, attempting to reach the smooth cock being fisted in front of him.

"_Moony_."

"Oh, God, Sirius, you were right," Remus moaned theatrically. "I could do this all day."

Sirius whimpered.


End file.
